darkflavor

(note: this musing inspired the “solving writers block” article)
this is one of the best ways to overcome writers block. i am typing in notepad and was previously staring at a white, blank space with a blinking cursor waiting for input from my keyboard. nothing comes out because there is nothing going on my head. or so it seems. there are lots of things happening inside my head and when it comes time to write i get a white, blank mind just like notepad.
so to overcome writers block there are two techniques i use. one, is to just starting writing anything, and i mean anything just to get the ball rolling, so to speak. once i am writing, regardless of what it is something begins to happen. a story or writing concept begins to unfold right before my eyes. it’s cause and effect. one sentence leads to another and before i know it i have content — nice and fresh
another way i overcome writers block is to visualize a person in front of me. this helps to create a conversation inside my head. i direct the conversation toward the virtual friend using notepad, or whatever other word document program i may be using at the time. it is very important for me to say something important to this imaginary person. if i have nothing important to say, honestly, i shouldn’t say anything at all. this is why my website is not filled with entries that talk about what i did yesterday or who i hung out with and what we did together. the movie was great! and sushi was so-so. tomorrow i will go to the park to read a book. then maybe get some coffee.
what value does that have? talking like that has no value. there is nothing to be learned from it. when i come back to read this ten years from now i want to be able to see growth, not what i had for dinner. and so, that motive coupled with writers block creates a very challenging situation for me. i have plenty of experiences to share. those experiences are very important to me. without them, i would not be who i am today. so what is preventing me from writing them? i have been thinking about that question for a few days and i think i have the answer:
this website is a mirror.
this notepad is a mirror.
anything i write is a reflection of me.

and typing that out just made my head light and stomach drop.

i dont want to look at myself. and that is the source of my writers block.

i created this website to free myself, to write what i want, to express myself in anyway i feel. what happened? in the face of freedom i closed my eyes. at the threshold of authenticity i became paralyzed. i can do whatever i want and i choose not to. i am not being honest with myself and with my life.

this type of self-examination provides great canon for future blog posts. if i can be honest with myself than i can help myself become a better person. by using this website i can document the journey. i writing the steps taken, my posts may become valued by those who also afraid of life… and afraid of living.

being authentic is incredible challenging. to clarify, being authentic also means the same as the common phrase “being real.” to be real means being honest, or authentic. for this website to be of value to me ten years from now, i need to be real.

everyday i am constantly looking to provide a service to the world — a purpose for existing. because, frankly, i have no reason to exist. i ask myself “why am i here?” and there is no response. not even an echo. but i am here. i wouldn’t be here if there were not a reason. so, i am missing something. what i am missing is the knowledge for the reason of my existence. wouldn’t it have been great if my parents at a young age told me my purpose is to be a doctor or lawyer? problem solved.