darkflavor

here’s a secret. i am horrible depressed. i just want to drink, eat meat and waste time hoping everything will pass. but fyi, depression means things are wrong! and drinking my night away will not change anything. in fact, it will make it worse. but man, i am telling you i am living the wrong life. i really wish i knew my purpose, i really wish i knew what it was i am supposed to do. i cant see past tomorrow. i don’t understand why i am here. i know i am not supposed to be here, but where it is i am supposed to be i have no idea.

that fog in my vision obscuring my view. clouds only obscure the sun. the sun is still there.
so what is this fog? one cannot cast out demons until there names are known.
uggg…and so i keep writing these words that cut me open. i will bleed until i am pure.

there is nobody here. when i speak i hear only memories.

i haven’t thought of a new idea in ten years.

i do not understand why i am here.

if i could receive some vision, some message, some instruction on what to do a great burden would be lifted. but alas, with wine in my mind supernatural voices cant reach me at this time. too much white noise. please resend your message at a later date.

it’s a quite place where i stand. quiet like death. hey, i may already be dead. quick, let me check my pulse. yup, i have one. there is a red heart beating inside me. all in vain, i presume. but if vanity can keep this heart beating then thats the only rope i cling to. can someone throw me another rope? i’ll try not to hang myself with it as i climb out.

i see people dancing on the streets and i see people praying in their church. and i look through my foggy window one hand covering my heart which hurts. i see you. i hear you. i reach for you with my open hand. as you pass near i clutch only air.

ghost.
boo.
did u hear that?
of course not.

i am drinking wine to pass the time. however, i feel far from sublime.

(edit: i had a glass of wine.)