darkflavor

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.
Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC)

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
Japanese Proverb

gotta stop the melodrama. let me think positive and take a step forward.

last night a single glass of wine loosened the cracks of my minds inevitable fall. though my tongue translates it’s earthly pleasures into bliss, consuming it does not help me at all. and so i must crawl while sober picking up the broken pieces of a frail mind weakened by wines sirens call.

it has been over two months, maybe three since i outlined my new human program (detailed in blog entry150 here. the goals was to stop drinking, stop eating meat, stop using profanity, exercise and clean daily. while this program proved itself to be too challenging for me to follow one hundred percent, it has proved to be a (mild) lifestyle altering experience anyhow. with this challenge i made a few steps toward growing and transforming into the person i am destined to be.

status:
still use profanity. (no change)
eat meat at least once per week. (high change)
drink alcohol less than once per week. (high change)
exercise every other day. (mild change)
clean every few days. (no change)

overall, two things i have learned:
cutting out drinking was way easier than i thought. it’s pretty cut and dry (pun intended). i drank an alcoholic beverage every night for ten years or so and now i do not. however, in the past two or three months i have consumed two bottles of wine. it once was a bottle every few nights. why did i drink wine recently? i am not sure… but i think drank to trick myself into feeling happy when in truth i was not. if that is true then that is an indication that i am not fulfilling my life purpose otherwise known as destiny.
(note: i drank between one and three drinks per night)

now on the other end of things cutting out meat is seemingly impossible! it’s like asking me to not breath! the urge to eat meat once per week is overwhelming. and so i eat meat. however, since this new program my meat intake has dropped dramatically. i ate meat once or twice a day for thirty years or so it seems. now, meat intake averages less than once per two days or longer. i can go five days without feeling the urge to consume flesh. when i do consume meat it is often organic farm raised livestock or wild fish. in replace of meat i have a diet of tofu and protein bars and drinks.

these two lifestyle changes are ones in which i never knew were possible for myself. if i did not adopt this lifestyle changing program that forced myself to change these changes would have remained outside my reality.

however, cleaning and exercise still needs to be worked on. i am skipping days with that. this is because simply giving myself instructions to execute does not work when those instructions oppose my current mindset. in order to behave differently, i must adopt a different mindset, vision and belief system. in order for this to change i must open my mind to new ideas. in order to open my mind to new ideas i must let go of the old, ineffective mindset.

waking up today i realized changing mindsets is how an actor becomes someone else. it is how a writer immerses themselves into a character to see through their fictional eyes. since i was a young teen i have always wanted to act. and now here is my chance to change my character, to change my lifestyle, to change my future, to step out of the known into the unknown, embracing a dream, a vision, an ideal, a new way of living, to experience a new life. my goal is to become a holistic man who’s vision, feelings and motivations extends beyond this four-dimensional reality into the timeless, formless, limitless splendor of the All That Is.

stepping forward requires stepping away.
goodbye material realism.
goodbye darkflavor.